View all:  Voices of Recovery

April 27

“Sexuality is part of who we are, a part that became lost and distorted through our addiction. When we reclaim the possibility of healthier sexuality, we regain a vital aspect of our being.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 72

I am a sex addict and a sexual anorexic. After decades of sexual acting out, I entered a year-long period of sexual anorexia before I found SAA. During that year I starved myself of not only healthy sexuality with my husband, but even non-sexual physical affection and connectedness in all my relationships. I felt like an asexual, emotionless robot that was dead from the neck down.

As I started working the Twelve Steps of SAA around my sexual anorexia, my body came alive again. In the past, I had always acted out on those feelings, so I didn’t know what to do with them. This terrified me, and I prayed for my Higher Power to remove my sexual feelings.

Soon, my Higher Power spoke to me very clearly. Those feelings are a natural part of being human. Like other dimensions of my being, they are not there to be denied or abused; they are there to be nourished and nurtured. Over the years, the emotions and associations I had with those feelings had been warped and perverted from their original purpose and from the joy and connection they could provide. The path of healing starts by being emotionally connected with myself, then by moving in the belief that my sexuality can be part of a greater connection with my partner and with life.

Please teach me how to nourish my sexuality in a healthy way.