View all:  Voices of Recovery

April 28

“In SAA, we learn to be accountable for our own feelings and behaviors, and to let go of unhealthy responsibility for others.”

“A Special Welcome to the Woman Newcomer”

Today, through my prayer and meditation time, a women’s telemeeting, and my outreach calls, I realized that I am carrying burdens that my Higher Power never meant me to have. I am working Step Three, and the invitation is right before me to turn these over to the God of my understanding. Great! So, I’ve turned them over, right? No. Why is it so hard to let go, especially of the sense that I am responsible for the feelings and behaviors of others?

As a woman, I think such burden-bearing is a particular liability. Cultural and familial pressures encourage it. I have been relieved, though, to find that I do not get that message from people, especially men, in recovery. They don’t blame me or other women for their reactions to us.

To me, recovery is an artistic gift to the world. It allows me to make beautiful life music. I make the world better by practicing my daily recovery plan.

But I need to take responsibility for my actions in meetings­­—it is no place for exhibitionism, flirting, attention-seeking, or games. Early on, a few men called me on my inappropriateness after meetings when I tried to fit in by making sexual jokes. I was surprised and hadn’t even realized what I was doing. Yet I appreciated the respectful feedback. I actually felt safer and more accepted because of their openness and honesty. I am learning to trust recovering men and women, and to be more trustworthy.

I take responsibility for my reactions, feelings and behaviors. I let go of unhealthy responsibility for others. I let go and let God.