“I had to take responsibility for my past actions to be able to live with myself.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 325
I have no idea where many of the people on my Eighth Step list are. They are no longer in my life. I am willing to make amends to them, as suggested by the Ninth Step, but how can I make amends to people if I don’t know where they are?
One of my compulsive sexual behaviors is objectification, in my case, of women. It makes people uncomfortable, earns me looks of disgust, but usually that’s all in terms of immediate consequences. I don’t know about the long-term consequences. There are so many people in this category. What is an appropriate amends?
A form of amends for me is service to the type of person I objectified. If I can be of service to others in that same group, it’s at least a start toward balancing the taking I did all those years.
I volunteer to answer calls to the local hotline and e-mails through the local website. Some of them are from women. I let them know that recovery from sex addiction is possible, and I make a special effort to tell them that they would be welcome in the local fellowship. When one of them responds positively, I rejoice. When a woman newcomer attends one of my meetings, I make a point to gently and safely welcome her.
I can make living amends by acts of service.