April 30

“Seek a temporary or permanent sponsor as soon as possible to guide you in getting started.”

“Sex Addicts Anonymous: A Pathway To Recovery”

I spent my whole life essentially alone. I had one or two friends over the years, but those relationships were unsatisfactory. I normally and subconsciously chose people with whom I could have dysfunctional, isolating relationships, mirroring my life growing up.

So when I came into SAA, I resisted suggestions that involved other people, such as making telephone calls, getting a sponsor, or even going out for coffee. I was more attracted to those aspects of the program that I could do in isolation, such as reading program literature. True to form, I tried to work the program in the same solitary way I had acted out in my addiction.

Even though I let my sponsor nominally help me with the First Step, I essentially did it alone. As a result, I wasn’t happy with the outcome, and I left the program looking for my real bottom. I found it.

After a year, I came back and jumped at the opportunity to find a sponsor. Though it was difficult at first, I started relying on that sponsor. Making daily program calls and being pleasantly surprised that most members actually called me back reinforced the idea that, together with my sponsor and others, I could actually work the program and get better. I would never go back to trying this alone.

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I can’t do this alone. Thank you, God, for my sponsor and friends in recovery.