“Unable to stop, we stayed at the computer looking for one more jolt of excitement.”
“Sexual Sobriety and the Internet”
Isolated and alone, seeking validation and relief from myself in a series of zeros and ones displayed in the form of an image, I wasted hours and money numbing my soul. While the Internet consistently delivered what my addict assured me that it would, it never delivered what I was truly seeking. So I would promise once again “I will never do that again,” only to return time and time again to that reliable “old friend.”
As I entered the program of SAA and began to work the Steps, I found that, with the measure I surrendered, I could measure the relief I received from my compulsive sexual behaviors. As the light of honesty was shined on my behaviors, that light also revealed a beautiful soul longing for freedom. The light was no longer emitted from some monitor in a dark empty room, but from within as a reflection of my Higher Power.
I am grateful that the light of my recovery has drowned out the light of that monitor in the corner. I am hopeful that the light of my recovery will help the addict who still suffers to shine a light upon the beautiful soul that lies within.
Instead of the light of my monitor, I will turn to the light of my Higher Power.