“[Humility] means that we are not too proud or ashamed to believe that we can be helped.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 43
Humiliation was the attitude I brought to my first SAA meeting. I was ashamed of my acting out behaviors and was afraid of the possible consequences. I had grown up with a perfectionist religion and family structure and knew that shaming, rejection, and punishment were to be expected. I was fearful and wanted to avoid those reactions. In my meeting, I found caring and humble people who were also seeking help and who were willing to accept me in spite of my imperfections. Finding that acceptance was very healing. It helped me learn to trust my program friends, and to discover and trust my Higher Power.
I feared but did not know what reactions I would receive in response to disclosure of my character defects. First, I had to let go of my expectations of abuse and rejection. In many cases, I discovered more compassion and forgiveness than I had given myself.
I found that my fears were attempts to protect myself, and they were ineffective in doing so. Humility has helped me to become more teachable, vulnerable and open. My pride and my fears have kept me in a prison of my own making. Letting go of those fears and pride are showing me that I can be loved, I can be helped, I can become a healthier person, and I can show the same to others.
I can be loved, I can be helped, I can become a healthier person, and I can show the same to others.