August 12

“As our recovery progresses, and we gain new understanding about ourselves and our addiction, we are free to add or delete behaviors, or move them from one circle to another, in order to reflect new growth and insights.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 16

I’ve been coming to SAA for nearly four years, and as I write this meditation, I have four days of sexual sobriety. That doesn’t seem like much, and yet, it’s progress. My inner circles have changed over the years, getting tighter to better reflect my evolving sexual ideals. With each change of my circles, I reset my sobriety clock as I begin progress on another area of my life and sexuality.

When I first came to SAA, I engaged in many risky sexual behaviors. These were and still are the bull’s-eye inner circle behaviors that I’ve managed to cut out of my life. Four years ago, porn was in my middle circle and I couldn’t imagine giving it up. Now it’s in my inner circle, and I’m slowly but surely making progress, with lots of starts and stops along the way. But that’s progress. Recently, it’s been three steps forward, one step back, which seems like even more progress.

I can’t claim years of sobriety like others, and I don’t have the chips to show for it, and yet, I’ve come a long way. It’s not perfect, but it’s progress. It’s recovery, from shame to grace, and for that, I’m thankful.

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I’m grateful for the progress and recovery I’ve made, and for the opportunity to grow and learn in the three circles.