View all:  Voices of Recovery

August 25

“In Step Eight we claim both our integrity and our compassion, and become willing to free ourselves from the guilt we have carried.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 46

My Eighth Step list of those I had harmed included people I knew I might never be able to find, and people that I knew how to find, but wasn’t sure my amends wouldn’t cause more harm. There was a couple in this latter group. It was clear to me that any attempt to contact them would surely bring harm to them and their relationship. With my sponsor’s guidance, I prayed and prayed about it, even as I drove by their house almost daily.

After several years, my Higher Power caused a sudden shift and transformation in me. Now I could feel at a very deep level the harm my actions and my addiction had caused them. I became aware of the destructive force I had been in their lives. It was a profound moment for me. Though I still knew that initiating communication with these persons would cause them additional harm, I had become willing to make amends. I had found compassion and empathy I had not had before. I was also free of the guilt and shame I had carried for so long. I was now ready to make Ninth Step amends should my Higher Power bless me with that opportunity.

Infinite provider of all that I need, guide my steps each and every day.