“There really is no point at which I stop and God starts. My ego-centered life is based on fear and scarcity, but a God-centered life is based on love and abundance.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 323
During my formative years I experienced manipulating and shaming behavior from people who were presented to me as spiritual leaders. In many cases, I had been told these people were chosen or called by God. I came to blame God for this, and chose not to have that God in my life.
I also decided not to put people in a position of spiritual authority, and this helped quiet the loud voices of others. But refusing to accept their idea of God also kept me resentful and resistant to the process of discovering my own Higher Power.
In recovery I have found that my Higher Power does not try to control me with abuse or shame, but rather provides learning opportunities. By accepting a loving Power greater than myself, I can turn from resentment and resistance to acceptance of the learning opportunities life presents me. I can reach out to my sponsor and others in my group, and find the hope, understanding, and strength that are always available to me in recovery. I can nurture and benefit from a connection with my own Higher Power. Letting go of the resentment that lingers from spiritual abuse is the key to this spiritual life.
I am discovering a Higher Power that is free of shame and abuse, and instead loves me as I am, providing new paths to grow in love.