View all:  Voices of Recovery

August 29

“We recognize that our shortcomings are not unique, and that we are not better or worse than anyone else. When we live with this knowledge, we do not expect perfection from ourselves or others.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 43

I marvel at the miracle evolving and unfolding in my life as I work the Steps. I was stuck in my resentments. The word forgiveness, in any form, was a triggering word that couldn’t pass my heart, blocked by a strong, locked, metal wall. Part of me still told the lie that the only power I’ll ever have is to resent deeply and remember, forever.

After Steps Four and Five, I was still stuck with my inability to forgive. I wanted someone to perform some magic that would make me willing to clear my heart of these toxic resentments. It didn’t happen.

When I got to Steps Six and Seven, I had no choice but to climb down from my pedestal. Awareness of my character defects brought new and uncomfortable feelings. I understood this to be the beginnings of humility, and that helped. Every day waking up, absorbing the new, detailed awareness of my imperfection gave way to self-compassion, understanding, and acceptance of my imperfect, perfect humanity.

From there, somehow, the miracle happened. This compassion and humility cast light on the darkness of my resentments, granting permission for other people to also be human, make mistakes, and be spiritually ill. I now know what it is to view others with love and compassion.

Lord, help me stay humbly aware that, in your transforming miracles, the void left by surrendered defects can reveal a treasure of character assets.