“We share our program so that we can gain a balanced recovery and we do this by directly showing our three circles to our sponsor and to people in our group. Without this clarity we can continue to act out, because we are confused about what sobriety is for us.”
On realizing that I am a sex addict and that I am also sexually avoidant, I was confused over how to develop my three circles. Praying about it, I came to understand that I couldn’t separate the two extremes of my addiction. For me, they’re too intertwined. I spent years bouncing back and forth from extremes of acting out to acting in and back again—a cycle I believe originated in childhood sexual abuse.
Hearing other avoidants share that some behaviors were in all three of their circles helped clarify the issue for me. Some of my behaviors belong in multiple circles. It all depends on the context, the effect, my intent, and whether I’m compulsive or abusive about it.
Thanks to a sponsor who understands both dimensions and to others sharing their experience, I established three circles that are honest, comprehensive, and workable.
And only two days after reviewing my circles with my sponsor, I realized that, because I was abstaining from all of my inner-circle behaviors, I now had a sobriety date!
My three circles evolve as I do.