December 16

“This impulse springs from selfless love and gratitude.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 59

I came to SAA a long-time member of another fellowship. I thought I knew something about recovery. Thanks to my Higher Power, I learned otherwise.

I got a sponsor, worked the steps, and sponsored others. Sobriety was a to-do list: check, check, and move on. At over a year sober, I relapsed. I barely made it back into the fellowship, but when I did, the gift began.

I stopped knowing things. I gave myself the gift of being a newcomer. I listened. I asked questions. I received. From that gift of nothingness, I was granted a new beginning, a new recovery, a new life, a new me—a me I could know, a me I could love, a me I could share.

When sobriety was a task-list with pre-defined objectives, I remained confined by my own thinking—barriers of addiction, limitation, and have-tos. When I became empty and simply surrendered to the process, I was filled to overflowing.

As I worked each step with the heart and mind of a beginner, I experienced gifts—gifts I could not have imagined.

I now work the steps, sponsor others, and do service, but my heart is different. I am acting, not because I have to or I’ll act out, but in love and gratitude. I want others to receive and discover their unimagined gifts. It matters to me that others get the same opportunity for a new beginning and a life worth living.

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From thinking I was something, I became nothing. From becoming nothing, I was offered everything.