December 20

“Step Two offers hope that sanity is possible, and at the same time it implies that, in our addiction, we were insane.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 25

When I first read this sentence, I had to pause and ask myself if I were truly insane. Step One required me to admit that I am a sex addict and a sexual anorexic, that I am powerless over these illnesses, and that my life is unmanageable by me. Since I believe that I am a sex addict and a sexual anorexic, that means I have a disease of the mind, body, and spirit that reacts very negatively to all sexual stimuli. For me, unhealthy sexual stimuli can lead to addictive sexual behaviors, and healthy sexual stimuli, such as sexual intimacy with my husband, can lead to sexual avoidance or addictive sexual behaviors.

But, being a sex addict also means I have a mental obsession with sexual stimuli of all kinds. To me, that’s like someone with a peanut allergy having a mental obsession with finding and eating peanuts. Wouldn’t I call that person insane? Yes, I would. So it clearly means that I am, in fact, insane.

Without God and the SAA program, my default desires are to harm myself with addictive sexual behavior and starve myself of healthy sexuality. Believing God can restore me to sanity means believing that God will change my whole being so that I no longer desire harmful sexual stimuli and I no longer avoid nurturing sexual stimuli, one day and one step at a time.

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May I be willing to go to any lengths today to be restored to sanity.