December 22

“Belief in a Higher Power can be difficult for many of us in SAA who come to the program with a faith that was damaged in one way or another.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 26

My son was sick with a cough that made sleeping very difficult. When I tried to give him cough medicine, however, he spit it right back out. The taste was just too unpalatable for him to handle. It didn’t matter that the medicine was exactly what he needed to feel better, because he was too young to understand. After many failed attempts to get him to swallow the medicine, I finally mixed it with milk and he drank most of it without a fight.

I realized that, for me, coming to believe in a Higher Power who could relieve me of my sexual addiction and anorexia was kind of like that. Even though I knew from SAA meetings and literature that my only hope of recovery was finding and believing in a power greater than myself, I did not know how. My old religious beliefs and past experiences with God were just as unpalatable as my son’s medicine. I spit them right back out. But through attending SAA meetings, working the Twelve Steps of SAA with a sponsor, and being patient with myself, I have slowly developed a relationship with a personal God of my own understanding. Finding God through SAA was like giving my son his medicine through his milk, gentle and kind, and for that I am so very grateful.

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For today, I allow myself to experience God as I can understand and tolerate God.