View all:  Voices of Recovery

December 28

“We then go back over the list of resentments, looking at each incident, and ask ourselves what role we played in the situation. We must take responsibility for our part, however small. Sometimes, especially for resentments from childhood, we determine we had no role in the problem at all.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 34

In my Fourth Step, I listed resentments against my father. They were for the verbal, physical, and sexual abuse I suffered from him during my childhood. I left my part in it blank—how could I have a part in it if I was a child?

At a meeting, I shared about my childhood trauma and my feelings as a victim. I didn’t realize the power this still had over me. Then someone else shared her experience with childhood trauma from her parent and the resentment it created. She shared how she felt her role in it was not surrendering the trauma sooner as an adult.

The abuse happened, it wounded me deeply, and it negatively affected the rest of my life. But today I have choices. I went back to my Fourth Step and put lack of acceptance as my part in the resentment. I began to feel empowered by taking ownership of my role. By surrendering the trauma and not playing the victim as an adult, I am reclaiming my childhood and my life.

Today, I’m open to seeing how holding on to past traumas keeps me a prisoner of the past. With surrender, I’m learning to let go and move on.

Today, my life is mine. I have choices.