December 4

“We find that we experience being sexual as a way to satisfy appropriate sexual needs and desires, rather than as a way to manage anxiety, self medicate, or escape.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 72

Before getting sober in SAA, I would spend most of my day searching for opportunities to act out with sex. My life was a complete wreck, full of anger, fear, and chaos. I used sex as a means to avoid all of my feelings.

When I came into SAA, it was suggested that a period of celibacy, free of all sexual activity including with myself, would allow me to experience withdrawal. During withdrawal I worked the Twelve Steps of SAA and developed a relationship with my Higher Power. To my surprise the desire to act out with sex was completely lifted.

As a result of putting my trust in God, working the Twelve Steps of SAA, and carrying the SAA message to sex addicts who still suffer, I find that my anger, fear, and emotional disturbances get the treatment they need. And it allowed my brain to retool. Today I experience sex unlike any sex I had experienced in the past. When I choose to be physically intimate today, I know it is with a sober mind. I always ask myself, “Is what I am about to do selfish or not?” and I can trust my new-found sixth sense which I’ve been told is God-consciousness. Who knew that a person could grow from self-centered sex to God-centered sex?

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I thank God for healing my life in ways I never thought possible.