February 10

“To make the Third Step decision is to surrender. We give up the belief that our intellect, our knowledge, our judgment, and our will could successfully guide our lives.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 30

“You’re right where you’re supposed to be” was a saying I often heard in the fellowship. These people obviously did not understand me if they thought that was helpful. I hurt. A lot. I needed to be someplace else. My vehicle to that place, acting out, was no longer a viable option, so I was miserable, and they obviously did not understand.

But, since they said they had a solution that would work, and more, I kept coming back, wanting to be anything other than me here now. I still did things my way, and I continued to hurt. A lot. Not overly enthusiastic about Step Three, I was nonetheless miserable. Knowing I could not manage sobriety or my own life, I gave surrender a shot.

Without the desperation and misery, I would never have stayed for the miracles that come with abstinence and walking a spiritual path. I have learned that when (maybe especially when) the pain becomes unbearable, I am reaching another level of surrender, a new area of growth, again, exactly where I’m supposed to be. On my own unaided power, I make messes, but if I just do my small part in accordance with this program and leave the rest to my Higher Power, my Higher Power takes those messes and makes miracles.

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For this moment, I’m right where I’m supposed to be.