View all:  Voices of Recovery

February 17

“At meetings we learn that we can trust others to know who we really are, and still be accepted by them.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 11

When I first came into the program, I did not trust myself. Mainly, I did not trust my emotions; I thought of them as my enemies because they betrayed me. I thought they made me weak, and I had to be strong in all circumstances. I was always on guard, watching myself. I also did not trust other people. I believed that if I let anyone get close to me, they would leave me or betray my secrets, so I was always on guard watching them, too. I was exhausted and lonely, and felt trapped in the belief that this was just how life went. Needless to say, my addiction thrived in this environment.

A turning point in my recovery began when I tried, slowly, trusting myself enough to acknowledge my emotions, and then trusting others enough to share my emotions with them. As I began to acknowledge and express what was going on inside me, I discovered that it was easing my loneliness and pain. I also learned that my emotions were a great source of information about how I interpret the world around me.

In the process, I realized that, by trusting my emotions and then trusting my group and my friends, I was trusting my Higher Power as well.

By simply acknowledging my feelings, I can open the door to trust and to healing.