“At meetings we learn that we can trust others to know who we really are, and still be accepted by them.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 11
When I first came into the program, I did not trust myself. Mainly, I did not trust my emotions; I thought of them as my enemies because they betrayed me. I thought they made me weak, and I had to be strong in all circumstances. I was always on guard, watching myself. I also did not trust other people. I believed that if I let anyone get close to me, they would leave me or betray my secrets, so I was always on guard watching them, too. I was exhausted and lonely, and felt trapped in the belief that this was just how life went. Needless to say, my addiction thrived in this environment.
A turning point in my recovery began when I tried, slowly, trusting myself enough to acknowledge my emotions, and then trusting others enough to share my emotions with them. As I began to acknowledge and express what was going on inside me, I discovered that it was easing my loneliness and pain. I also learned that my emotions were a great source of information about how I interpret the world around me.
In the process, I realized that, by trusting my emotions and then trusting my group and my friends, I was trusting my Higher Power as well.
By simply acknowledging my feelings, I can open the door to trust and to healing.