“When we accept that our way doesn’t work, Step Two opens the door to a new way that does.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 25
I remember a time in my recovery when I believed that long-term abstinence was impossible. I had always taken my recovery in SAA seriously, but inevitably, it seemed, I would relapse in despair, frustration, and shame. One time, after two years of abstinence, I relapsed directly into some of the worst behaviors of my life. I felt that the SAA program, the Twelve Steps, and God had failed me. But then I looked at my sponsor and a few others in my meetings and saw that they were living examples of the miracle of recovery.
I looked closer at Step Two and found that the quantity of my efforts wasn’t the problem. It was the quality. I hadn’t made room for my Higher Power to guide and assist me in the process. I realized that I had frantically worked the program, believing that what I saw was what was there. My own will tends to be shortsighted, selfish, frightened, and pleasure seeking, and I was missing a lot. I learned instead to focus on my relationship with my Higher Power, listening for and acting on God’s will, not mine. When I did this, long-term abstinence and recovery became a reality for me.
Rather than relying on my addict mind, I can improve the quality of my actions by looking to my Higher Power for guidance and courage.