February 3

“A profound turning point in my recovery happened when I faced and embraced the pain of the emptiness I felt inside, which I had tried to fill with so many fixes.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 130

After working a very difficult Fourth Step, I was sure that Step Five was going to be less painful. As it turned out, Step Four uncovered and brought to the surface many unsettling emotions—emotions that I had successfully locked away in unfettered avoidance. Thank God for my sponsor, who guided me through this personal upheaval with a sense of grace, clarity, and perspective. I had no idea that working these Steps could help me rediscover myself on a level that continues to enhance integrity and diminish shame.

Many years of addiction and self-hatred programmed me to wallow in self-pity, entitlement, and a never-ending cycle of self-criticism. Ironically, it was the deep reflection and recalling my most despicable, shameful behaviors that allowed me to be more gentle with myself. Trusting others with this awful information of my past opened the door for an honest journey into the moment. No longer do I dwell in shame. I am accepted lovingly by my sponsor and by my brothers and sisters in recovery. I can embrace God’s will with the renewed faith that every day is an opportunity to make a new past.

As I look back on my life since coming to SAA, I am proud of who I have become and excited about the new relationships I have made. None were more important than a relationship with God.

–

May you find God now!