“When I’m in judgment of someone else, I have no peace, so I try to stick to taking my own inventory instead of everyone else’s.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 326
When my sponsor encouraged me to journal about the defects I was least willing to be rid of, I quickly identified judgmental thoughts. I proudly had no patience with people who think the rules don’t apply to them. The beauty of this faulty belief system is that I got to be the sole arbiter of other people’s motives.
In traffic one day, a driver in front of me turned left where a sign indicated no left turns. I went straight into judgment. I was righteously indignant for days. Any time I passed the intersection, the anger and feeling of superiority returned.
Through discussions with my sponsor and others, I acknowledged that the driver of the car was just as likely a good person who simply made a mistake. Heaven knows, I don’t want to be judged solely by my mistakes!
If I sit in judgment and scorn of others, I lose my humility, I isolate myself, and I leave no space for empathy, understanding, forgiveness, or love. Now, I have tools. The Serenity Prayer and the Third Step remind me of what I actually have control over. My Fifth and Eighth Steps keep me from getting too self-righteous. The kindness and acceptance I have experienced in SAA reminds me of the power of love.
Thank you for showing me another way.