View all:  Voices of Recovery

January 23

“We found ourselves isolated and alone. We felt spiritually empty.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 4

I did not play baseball that year because I could not see the ball until it hit me. Dejected and unwanted in fifth grade, I isolated from classmates, withdrew, and was mocked by the jocks. Finally, I had the chance to see an eye doctor. The exam resulted in the diagnosis of legal blindness. But, it was correctable with special glasses. I was able to see! The first day back to school with my new glasses, I realized the teacher was writing on the blackboard and I could read it from the back of the room! I played baseball and caught a high hit to left field. I was able to throw the ball to third base to make two outs. No longer unwanted, no longer isolated, and no longer mocked, my life had changed.

In my addiction I was legally blind to the realities of my life—the pain I was feeling and the hurt I was causing. Damaged lives were all I knew. I felt unwanted and withdrawn from the people I love the most. I felt no hope in my scant awareness that something is horribly wrong with me.

Working the program of SAA, another form of blindness is healed. I am now able to participate with others, recognize my and others’ emotions, and I know how to make amends and maintain relationships. I am able to live life with a new freedom.

Through the lens of the Twelve Steps, a new universe is opened for me.