January 4

“Looking at areas of unmanageability in our lives can help us recognize our defects, when we identify our responsibility for events that felt painful or out of control.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 41

When I came into recovery, I truly felt superior. I believed I was above the average human being and didn’t want to believe that I, too, might have character defects. Arrogance and grandiosity formed a protective shield against my inner sense of shame.

Yet my life was in shambles in so many ways. Unmanageability was all around, and my strongest denial did not work anymore. Identifying the painful events in my life, owning up to my part in them, and bringing my character defects out into the light were anything but fun. But, it was the first time I actually felt what positive humility means, how honesty feels.

I comprehended the joy of understanding what “whole” means, and what “true-to-myself-and-others” is like for me. Accepting my mistakes and shortcomings, I could embrace the happiness of being part of humanity.

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Today I will remember that being entirely ready to accept God’s help allows me to be completely human and imperfect.