“We have come to realize that both extremes represent symptoms of the same disease. Whether we were acting out or not being sexual at all, our addiction involved being emotionally unavailable.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 6
Before recovery, I found it easy to be sexual with strangers, and difficult or impossible to be sexual with my intimate partners.
I didn’t understand how I could be a sex addict and a sexual anorexic at the same time. The paradox is that when I am sexually acting out, I am avoiding true intimacy. When I am being sexually avoidant, I am also avoiding true intimacy. In both cases, I am not available, to myself, to God or my partner.
Today in recovery, I look for the ways I may be avoiding being present. Only when I am available to myself and my Higher Power can I be truly available to others.
I cannot be in a loving intimate relationship with anyone without being available to myself and my Higher Power first.