July 18

“We can then admit our part and prepare to do whatever is needed to set things right, whether it is making direct amends, adjusting our attitude, or simply letting go.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 54

One evening, I realized I owed amends for something I had done that day. I was embarrassed and wanted to contact the person, take ownership, and clear the wreckage. But it was late and that person might already be asleep. Yet, I was racked with guilt and wanted this off my chest.

I’m not sure where it came from (wink), but something told me that Step Ten is a daily application of Steps Four through Nine. Step Nine states, “except when to do so would injure them or others.” Calling at this hour might well apply.

Step Eight held the key, though: “became willing to make amends to them all.” Was I willing to make amends? Yes. OK, that was enough for now. I committed to my Higher Power that I would make amends the next day. I was able to let go of the guilt, and got a good night’s sleep. The next day, I made the amends.

This event encapsulates my experience with amends. A great gift of amends is the unburdening and liberation of my conscience, but that is the by-product. The real purpose is to make right what I have done wrong, to live with honor and responsibility, and to do the right thing, just because. There is a gift in this that I may never be able to describe.

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I thank God for these tools that allow me to truly live.