“In SAA meetings, we try to share from our own experience, rather than giving advice.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 94
I believe Tradition Eleven applies to my interpersonal life as well, and I recently had a dramatic lesson in its wisdom. I reach out to people in our group and sometimes run into my character defect of trying to force solutions. This can show up as believing I know what is best for someone and wanting to ensure they get it, whether they want it or not!
Some months ago, I tried to engage with someone in our group, offering “help” for a problem I have experience with. They demurred, and I was crushed. I started beating myself up for my high-handed tactics, which I “should know better” than to use. My compulsiveness had temporarily won out, and I paid a heavy emotional price for some time afterwards.
Then, at a recent check-in, I shared a particular aspect of my fear of intimacy, and that same person asked a clarifying question afterwards. When I shared openly how this particular fear plays out in my primary relationship, they said, “I am so glad I can come to a place where I relate so well to what people are saying!” That same person called me out of the blue the next day and we had a great conversation.
I have heard it said that, the more I think you need a meeting, the more I need a meeting.
All I ever have is my own experience, strength, and hope. I only know what worked for me. Thank God it’s enough!