View all:  Voices of Recovery

July 23

“Our emotions have often been a source of pain and confusion in our lives, and they frequently triggered our addictive sexual behavior.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 34

I recently had an uncomfortable exchange with a sponsee. We had met and had a good discussion, and what I said was apparently well received. Nevertheless, I felt uncomfortable afterwards. Although I had no direct evidence that anything had bothered my sponsee, I sent a text asking for feedback.

A quick response assured me there had been nothing. Nevertheless uncomfortable feelings remained, but now the internal dialog shifted to, “Why had I asked for that feedback? Was it just to quiet feelings caused by my fears and insecurities?” Interestingly, I soon got an e-mail from my sponsee, voicing frustration with my pattern of feedback requests. I was assured that, if anything were amiss, my sponsee would take responsibility and let me know. So now, I had uncomfortable feelings caused by my earlier responses to my uncomfortable feelings! Talk about emotional insobriety.

This exchange and other experiences are teaching me that I shouldn’t act on every uncomfortable feeling. I can sit with them and ask for my Higher Power to help me see the truth. I can share them with my sponsor or a program friend. Sometimes these feelings are indicators that some action needs to be taken, but sometimes they are an indication that I need growth and healing in a particular area.

“Don’t just do something—sit there!” Sometimes I don’t need to act on uncomfortable feelings.