“While the inner circle relates to behaviors that keep us in isolation and fantasy, the outer circle refers to behaviors that help keep us engaged with other people and with reality.”
Tools of Recovery, page 7
I have always been interested in painting, writing, designing, and decorating. But I always felt guilty for doing those things; like I had more important things I should do with my time. In the past, I briefly entertained the idea of being a creative professional, but economic insecurity and some conception of practicality stifled those dreams. I realized in SAA that I often starve myself of creative outlets in the same way I starve myself of healthy sexuality and intimacy with God, others, and myself.
Learning about the outer circle kick-started a reawakening of my creativity. Within a few months I was writing again, and I enrolled in an interior design certification course. I started designing furniture with my husband, which also helped us connect on a much deeper level. I realize now that, for me at least, creativity is not a luxury but a necessity—one of the most important reasons that I exist. My Higher Power created me, and as a creation, I am designed to co-create with God, myself, and others.
All my time and energy spent in fantasy, sexual or otherwise, was simply a misuse of my divinely implanted creative energy. I am learning to direct that creative energy toward beauty, and to share it with others.
God, for today, help me honor the creative intelligence that is within me and within you.