View all:  Voices of Recovery

June 2

“As sex addicts, we are especially prone to isolating. Many of us acted out alone or in secret.“

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 11

I was asked many times by my wife, “Why don’t you have any friends?” The answer was to misdirect her to the fact that my friends didn’t live close. They were my college friends from twenty years ago. They lived on different continents or on islands in the Pacific or I had lost track of them. My proof was in the Christmas cards or calendars that some of them sent.

The truth was that I was more comfortable being alone or with my dog. In my recovery, I began to notice that I was declining invitations from others to do things that we had in common like going on a photography daytrip. When my wife planned a family event, I found that I was full of anxiety and didn’t want to go with her. On reflection, I asked myself if I had lost the ability to form new friendships.

As I started to recover, part of me woke up from the coma of isolation. I started longing to create friendships, to get out of the house and away from the hypnosis of the TV. At first it was awkward and uncomfortable for me to try these new behaviors, but, thanks to the loving fellowship of SAA and the tools they taught me, I now have new friends.

One of the results of my recovery is the reversing of isolation. This unexpected benefit brings me joy and serenity because I can now share my life with others.