“I would wallow in self-pity and exaggerate problems in order to manipulate the object of my infatuation to give me more attention.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 228
Amongst addicts, I have found a common fear that we will end up homeless and destitute. A couple months into the Steps, I was driving down the freeway awash in this fear. I contacted a friend with decades of Twelve Step experience. I sobbed that, “I’m afraid I’m going to be homeless and live under a bridge someday.” She responded, “What makes you think you’ll have a bridge?”
Her response snapped me out of my self-pity. In reality, at that moment, I was driving home from work. I had no reason to believe I would ever be homeless. I have found that, when I call a program friend to sob about my fears, I am not looking for a solution. I am hoping they will join me in my pity party, and I am miles from an attitude of gratitude. The best response is like the one I received above.
On the other hand, if I admit to a program friend that I am struggling with self-pity and ask for help, help will be given. I can then be open to and led by my Higher Power to help me see the reality of the situation. I can always start by looking at my present circumstances and building a gratitude list.
Today I am grateful for the experience, strength, and hope of my friends in the fellowship. They prevent me from buying into self-pity and help me keep in fit spiritual condition.