“What we gain in this program is a blueprint for full and successful living, whatever may come.”
Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 61
Sex addiction kept me caught up in the high and the lie produced by things like intrigue, obsessing, and acting out. It insulated me from experiencing painful feelings, but ended up numbing me to all feelings. In recovery, I have learned to embrace and open myself up to all of my emotions.
However, it’s very difficult for me to stay present to the hurt when people don’t treat me respectfully or lovingly. It’s easy for me to start carrying resentment or to interpret another’s actions to mean something about myself. My inner critic wants to tell me that I’m not worth respecting, or that I somehow deserve to be treated poorly.
Working the Steps on a situation when I feel hurt by others helps me recognize which things I’m powerless over, such as other people’s bad behavior, and to own my part in the situation. A phrase I love, “not my circus, not my monkeys,” reminds me to leave the issues and problems of someone else where they belong—with that other person. This brings me the precious gift of freedom!
God, help me let go of what isn’t mine so I can tend to this precious gift—my life.