View all:  Voices of Recovery

March 13

“We gain not only freedom from our disease, but the freedom to be at home in the world.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 74

I know I am powerless over my sex addiction. I am grateful that SAA has helped me find a power through which I can change and grow. There is another sort of powerlessness I struggle with, and it comes when world events seem to go crazy—natural disasters, human violence, injustice, etc.

My attempts to control my addiction triggered various character defects—self-pity, denial, shame, and resentment, to name a few. My powerlessness over world events triggers defects as well—rage, denial, and cynicism, to name a few. I want to make bad things stop and punish anyone who contributes to them. I am tempted to a bitterness of heart and mind because bitterness seems powerful. Temptations to anger and cynicism, as well as urges to seek power, are natural. However, my history shows that following my natural inclinations almost always leads to trouble. I need to apply the Twelve Steps here, too.

Recovery has taught me that:

  • Acting on my character defects only makes things worse.
  • My arena for action is always and only right here, right now.
  • If I surrender, my Higher Power will guide me to what, if anything, I am supposed to do in the situation.
  • When my Higher Power guides me, I can act out of love.
  • I am never completely powerless. I can pray for courage, strength, and guidance.

Though I am powerless over many things, I always have choices.