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March 17

“We are free to discover what works best for us; the important thing is the goal of maintaining and improving our connection to the God of our understanding.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 57

I had been in SAA over two years when I read a book about hermits who lived in the desert during the third century, and who had practiced habitual prayer by mentally reciting a short prayer over and over.

I thought about it. Could I do that? And then I asked myself, “Why not?” So I started doing it over and over, day and night. After a few days, I thought to myself, “This is crazy. It’s cultish. It makes no sense.” Then it occurred to me that perhaps that was the point—it made no sense, at least to me at the time.

Then I realized something else. The constant repetition of the prayer was increasing my awareness of the presence of my Higher Power. It was increasing my conscious contact with God as I understand God. It was bringing me back to my center.

Now, twenty-one years later, I am still saying it. I hope I never stop.

I took many risks in acting out. I need to take risks in my recovery, even some things that might at first seem crazy.