March 18

“Step Three was a problem for me. I didn’t know God.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 283

I have always had trust issues, especially with authority figures. This meant serious trust issues with the ultimate authority figure: God. I believed that God’s grand plan involved dragging me through a briar patch. When it came to Steps Two and Three, my understanding of God really got in the way.

However, there was no real evidence of anything untrustworthy in God’s plan for me. I now believe God led me to actions that caused anxiety and even embarrassment, but that proved healing and helpful.

I felt a nudge to speak out at my church about my recovery and to apologize to the women of the church for objectifying them. After a reality check with my sponsor, I asked the pastor and he immediately said yes. When the day came, I was trembling, but was able to forthrightly tell about my Twelve-Step journey. I described my compulsion to objectify and I apologized. I expected stunned, embarrassed silence, but people applauded! I spent the rest of the service hiding in the balcony, shaking and emotionally raw.

Since then, the parents of an alcoholic, and two sex addicts from my church have started Twelve-Step recovery because I was willing to listen to that nudge. My shame was dealt a serious blow. I am coming to believe that a Power greater than myself is lovingly restoring me to sanity. I am slowly turning my will and my life over to God’s care.

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With God’s help, I can trust God and find courage to change the things I can.