March 22

”We can only make amends to the best of our ability and leave the rest in God’s hands.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 51

Many of the people closest to me have pushed away the hardest as I work at my recovery. The hurt I dealt to them has been deep, and, in many cases, I have struggled in making direct amends. For now, the best amends I can make is to continue working my program and to live the Twelve Steps each day.

In contrast, those furthest removed are often easier to make amends to—my employer, acquaintances, even some acting out partners. The smaller the emotional connection, the easier it has been for me to relate my story of the harm caused and to seek to make things better. Being honest, focusing on my work while I am at the office, informing people of the risks I put them in, not flirting, and other admissions and changes are all amends that show I am sincere about improving my behavior.

This is also a step where I need to remember myself. Making amends means not only working my program of recovery, but also letting go of my past. I will improve myself by focusing on my outer circle activities, by allowing myself to do things that my addiction took time and energy away from. Restarting hobbies, sports, or other activities are important to keeping me balanced, healthy, and whole.

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When “wherever possible” presents itself, I must be ready. In the meantime, I trust that my Higher Power will present the right opportunities for me to meet with those my addiction has affected.