March 28

“This profound surrender of old beliefs, habits, and behaviors is something we learn to renew every day.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 30

Step Three is an affirmation of the radical faith I believe is necessary to flourish in my recovery. There was so much negativity in my past—abuse, neglect, abandonment—which sparked my addictive patterns and forced me to go into a survival mode. But with the Third Step, I learned to trust again. I try to remember that the means by which I protected myself in the past, which manifested as addiction, never really worked and no longer apply to my present.

I am not always sure how or where to find comfort in the absence of acting out, and so I turn to my Higher Power, who is love and understanding. I sometimes become jittery or angry or triggered in situations that challenge my intellect or emotions. But when I take a breath and reach out to my Higher Power, I can find calm in the storm. I surrender the desire to will myself out of or into a situation, or to control outcomes. Instead, I give that impulse up to God, and trust that all will be well as more is revealed to me. When I accept that I do not have to see all the answers to the challenges I face, the challenges themselves shrink and become manageable instead of overwhelming.

–

I rest assured that, whatever the outcome, my challenges are better met with faith than with white-knuckled self will.