March 3

“We turn our will and our lives over to the care of God because our self-directed thoughts and actions have so often led us to acting out, negative consequences, and despair.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 29

I struggled to find recovery despite being in the program for more than a year. The problem was that I was doing recovery primarily to save my marriage. Through a series of events, and despite my regular participation in recovery-related activities, my wife separated from me against my will. This drove me to a new low and I was faced with whether to continue pursuing recovery now that my reason for recovering was gone. For some reason, I decided to stay with the program.

I’m realizing that surrender means letting go of people, places and things, and trusting my Higher Power to take care of me and everyone else in the process. Turning my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power means all of it, not what I pick and choose; and with each bit of surrender, I create room for growth. I must recover for myself, regardless of desired outcomes, circumstances, or any entitlements that I feel are due me.

I had to let go of the most important thing in my life—my marriage—to finally learn that my Higher Power cares for me and wants me to be happy, joyous and free. And I am learning how to have real relationships with real people now.

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With each bit of surrender, I create room for growth.