May 15

“We also discover that our character defects can become useful in God’s hands.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 45

As an active addict, I have found myself powerless around strong feelings such as rage and fear, and around actions such as lying. I have been saddled with bottled anger or fear which, over time, turned into resentment, then complacency, dishonesty and delusion. Often, I am at multiple points in this process at the same time!

As a recovering addict, I recognize and acknowledge to myself the character defects I have. Rage, fear, dishonesty, and resentment are only some of the character defects I unearthed. More often, these defects are the signposts that point to the real work and the real me. Only when I embrace these feelings and am honest with myself about what I am feeling deep inside my heart do I begin to experience the miracle. This is the miracle that converts my anger into a discovery of my real feelings behind the anger. Perhaps the underlying feeling is fear because my boundaries were violated or that I felt unworthy.

When I use fear as an indicator of an opportunity underneath, I am surprised to find a courage that is driven by reason. Very slowly, but surely, my character defects become my allies, helping me forward on life’s path. I feel blessed to be who I am, blessed to have lived the life I have so far, and I look forward to the rest of it.

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I will remember that my character defects are not my enemies. When I embrace them, real change begins. Before I know it, my defects will turn into assets.