May 20

“A newfound ability to live in the moment under God’s care gives us the courage to go forward in recovery.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 31

“You have no keel. You need to develop one to face the vicissitudes of life without capsizing and sinking.” That was my evaluation? Stunned and enraged, I dismissed the professional’s metaphor; he didn’t know the real me! That was nine months ago. Now, I am in SAA, working Step Three with my sponsor. Looking back, I see that the assessment was generous and gracious.

I researched keels and was dismayed. The keel is the part of the boat around which the rest is built. It provides stability, converting lateral forces of wind and waves into forward movement. My ‘boat’ had been built with self-reliance; my mantra from early childhood had never changed—I can do it myself. Clearly, I cannot. But how does one build a keel once the boat is built? How do I find a center after years in the devastating wake of my addiction?

Keels are usually made of heavy, strong material, which speaks of spiritual substance to me. In Step Two we came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity—perhaps, lay the keel? Now, my challenge in Step Three is to decide to turn my life and will, my boat, over to the care of God. Only a spiritual solution, weighty and eternal, is sufficient. Only a loving, caring God is safe for me to trust with such a life-transforming process.

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Thank you, God, for the new course my life is taking.