May 25

“Change occurs in God’s time, not ours.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 44

Just completing Step Six, I stood there with my list of character defects in my hand—glaring at me as though they were poison that I couldn’t be rid of quick enough. I got down on my knees and asked my Higher Power to remove these defects. I asked them to be removed so that I could be of service to others. I got up from my knees and went about my day.

The next morning, I again prayed to have these defects removed, and continued to repeat the process daily. Within a week, I noticed some character defects were not a struggle, while others still plagued me on an almost daily basis. Soon, I began to doubt how I could be of service while struggling so much with my character defects. Why wasn’t my Higher Power removing all of them?

Then one day, I honestly shared with a sponsee about these struggles. This opened up the conversation to some very vulnerable dialog. I learned a very important lesson. I can carry the message by working my program and remaining sober. But sometimes I am of service because of my struggles—not because I overcame them.

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Today, I can admit my successes and my struggles so that I may truly be of service to others.