View all:  Voices of Recovery

May 31

“When this happens, I stop, take a deep breath, and think, ‘Oh yeah, that’s right, it’s not about me.’ In this way, I can start my day over any time I want to.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 326

Before I even got on my knees this morning, I realized I had already been off to the races—off and running on the old racetrack of my mind. In the time it took to fix some coffee, let the dog out, and start my prayer, I had used the three-second rule twice, rehearsed the events of yesterday, and started obsessing. I was already self-focused—my problems, my ego, my way.

Gently, I heard God calling me back to the starting line. Okay, a false start. Let’s try again. I prayed, “Help me fix my eyes on you. Help me run this race called life according to your will and not mine. Put the things that matter uppermost on my mind and heart. Let love be my fuel today.” I became “open to making new choices…in the light of my Higher Power’s transforming love and care…a way of gentleness and compassion.”

I then asked how to do that today. The message was simply to be more present with the person I was with. I read a familiar passage on love, which reminded me of the Fourth Step inventory. Although I wasn’t there yet, I knew that my Higher Power was already beginning to lead me on this new, off-track race—a long distance, endurance run, not a sprint—something far better than anything I could imagine. By Grace, I could run it today. I drank in the love for fuel, and I was off and running.

God, in the race set before me today, show me how to run it your way, the way of love.