May 5

“If we are continuing to act out as a pattern, it is possible that we aren’t fully willing to admit powerlessness over our addiction.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 69

For years I continued to act out then go to meetings and say I wanted to be sober. Continued relapse brought me hopelessness and self-pity. There were times when I was ready to call it quits on the program. This disconnect was finally reconciled when I admitted I didn’t know if I wanted to be sober. In truth, I was unwilling to admit that I am powerless. In the back of my mind, I still thought I could someday, somehow be able to control this acting out.

The beauty of the Twelve Steps is that, if I have the desire to stop acting out, I can begin recovery anew today. The beauty of the Twelve Traditions is that, as long as I have the desire, I can belong to this fellowship. My Higher Power decides when the compulsion is lifted, but it’s up to me to apply action to my desire for recovery. Only I can admit that I am powerless over this compulsion and then surrender any thoughts of control. From there, I can begin the journey to a new life through the Steps, sponsorship, meetings, fellowship, prayer, service, and outer circle activities.

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Victory can begin now with my complete surrender.