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November 1

“In taking the First Step, we admit that our addiction is destroying us, and that we are unable to stop it. We surrender, raise the white flag, and accept that the battle is over.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 22

Many of us sought a remedy for our compulsive acting out behavior long before we finally surrendered. We were convinced that if only we could figure it out, we would do whatever was necessary to be rid of our affliction. We only needed to dial it back some, so that it didn’t completely overrun our lives. Many of us wasted precious years trying to control our addictive behaviors. These attempts at control led us through a maze of failed experiments and trapped us in the insanity of trying the same things over and over with the same failing results.

The day I realized willpower and knowledge had little or nothing to do with sobriety was the day I understood powerlessness. Sobriety was not something I could get for myself. I was forced to seek help outside myself. Sobriety is a gift of mercy and grace we receive from our Higher Power just because our Higher Power loves us. I didn’t do anything to deserve this mercy and grace. In fact, I did everything not to deserve it; and yet, I received it. And in the process of receiving undeserved mercy and grace, I learned a little something about the Higher Power I would come to know better.

I don’t have to know how or when or why or for how long. My Higher Power’s grace is sufficient.