November 10

“With [Step One] we recognize that we have a disease, not a mere weakness or character flaw, and that we are powerless to change this fact.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 23

I entered recovery dazed and confused. I did not understand why I could not stop the compulsive acting out behaviors which, at best, threatened to ruin my life and, in the worst case scenario, kill me. My mind seemed to be insane and my body appeared to be on autopilot. My best thinking got me into more trouble. My worst thinking used my shame and guilt to confirm my beliefs about myself. Where was my will power? Where was my inner strength? Why couldn’t I stop?

As I began to understand the character of my disease, I thought to myself, “Cancer patients don’t rely on will power or inner strength to recover. They follow a prescribed treatment program and make that program their number one priority in order to stay alive.” I would do the same thing, I thought. I had seen others who did it—“Sex Addiction Survivors” I called them.

Like other people with life threatening diseases, it was not my fault I had the disease. It was, however, my responsibility to treat it. My road to recovery began with the realization that I am powerless over this disease. But in that powerlessness, I found a Power greater than anything I could have imagined.

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I treat this disease as I would any other life threatening disease. I follow the treatment program and I recover.