November 11

“As we continued working the Twelve Step program, we experienced the return of personal integrity and found a new sense of purpose in our lives.”

“Sex Addicts Anonymous: A Pathway To Recovery”

Ever since I can remember, I felt something ominous looming in the future that I must prepare for, some sort of destiny that saw me playing the hero—a world to save, a war to fight, an enemy to overcome. Maybe I was watching too many action movies or reading too many comics. Maybe I was escaping the reality of watching my alcoholic father beat my mother on a regular basis. Whatever the case, I felt an urgent need to prepare for this future battle of epic proportions.

Now I am in the rooms as a fully surrendered sex addict, and one day it hit it me like a truck. This is the battle I was anticipating. This is what my subconscious foresaw. After thirty years, my eyes are open to my purpose on this earth. Generations of addicts and a family history of shame and repression have culminated in this moment of clarity.

Stopping this long line of self-hatred and shame is my great war. It’s an inner struggle, much harder and more intimidating than I could have anticipated. The cycle stops with me, here, now. While I may not have planned for this moment, I am spiritually ready to see my destiny through to the end. All the essential resources I need are here in SAA. What could be more noble than stopping this cycle of shame?

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I am open to whatever path my Higher Power intends for me.