November 17

“Practicing the Tenth Step helps us continue to grow in self-acceptance, self-awareness, and rigorous honesty.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 55

My wife and I are moving across town. We approach the process differently, and we butt heads on occasion. She thoughtfully plans and packs each box. I throw stuff in a box until it’s full, fill the car, and go. I can organize it at the new house. To me, she makes this job even tougher. We clashed again Saturday morning, and then I headed to the old house for more stuff.

Alone in my car, I surrendered my internal harangue and simply acknowledged my disappointment in her, me, and the process. I started to ask my Higher Power for help and in a flash, the realization hit that she is not trying to undermine anything. She is bringing her most conscientious approach to this daunting slog. I then saw that my impatience and intolerance were making this challenging task truly unpleasant—for us, me, and especially her. I was the one making it stressful!

This program taught me that it doesn’t matter who’s right. If I have behaved poorly or thoughtlessly, I need to own it and make amends. When she got to the house, I stopped work. I acknowledged her thoughtfulness and apologized for compounding her stress. I followed with tolerance and support for her efforts. It was probably the best thing I had done in weeks.

By the way, I moved three boxes for every one she moved, but now I can’t find anything!

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For today, help me be open, and help me think twice before I react.