View all:  Voices of Recovery

November 2

“I was opened up, and for me that was the secret of spirituality.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 123

My Higher Power has never forsaken me. I walked away because it was the best I could do. Little did I know I was walking in a circle, right back to my Higher Power.

People expressed bewilderment that parts of my life were in such chaos while other aspects were ordered and conventional. I doubt they knew that I couldn’t make sense of what seemed so natural to others, that my life was in unfathomable turmoil, and that I was paralyzed to change. I knew I was powerless before I knew the power’s name was sex addiction.

In SAA, I found courage and support to merge my splintered lives into one, open, honest life. By allowing my Higher Power in, I affirm that I am not merely molecules, I am a spiritual being, created to love and be loved.

I’ve been heard to say, “I’m ready to dig in and fight the addict!” My sponsor smiles and gently ushers me toward letting go instead of fighting. Have I ever won a fight with the addict? Instead, I use the love of my group, my Higher Power, and my sponsor to gently shine a light so bright that there are no shadows. This is one way I become open and allow the scattered fragments of my being to unite.

For the first time in my life, people know me, and that makes their love even more powerful.

Being honest and vulnerable allows me to love and be loved for who I am.