November 3

“With anonymity as our foundation, we dedicate our efforts to something much greater than any one of us.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 96

One important reason for anonymity is to avoid cults of personality. I have found that certain people tend to exhibit leadership qualities, while others tend to be followers. This dynamic can lead to the dominance of some personalities with others providing a following.

Anonymity can help us avoid forming such cliques or groups. When nobody in the group is a leader, or when leading the meetings is rotated through the membership of the group, the hierarchy is flattened.

I have also seen attempts to achieve status by announcing in meetings who a sponsor is, as if we could achieve a higher level of recovery with a popular sponsor. Comparisons are sometimes made between the people with the longest continuous abstinence as a method of achieving rank.

While I may be interested in appearing to be more experienced, or to have all the answers, it is important for me to remember that I am a sex addict just like the others in the meeting. Like all of us, I need to surrender my ego and grandiosity, and ask for help. The spirit of anonymity and humility provide a framework for leaving the trappings of status and ego at the door of the meeting room.

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Our primary purpose is to achieve abstinence from our compulsive sexual behavior. By keeping my ego out of the message, I provide a clearer message of recovery.