October 23

“I am encouraged to focus, not so much upon not acting out, or even avoiding middle-circle behaviors, as on practicing a new way of living that brings wholeness and integrity to everything I do.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 135

The first task of my recovery was to eliminate sexual behaviors and thoughts that harmed me and those around me. I spent the first year of my recovery saying no to myself a lot. With the help of my sponsor and group I was able to stop acting out. After a while it was no longer a struggle to stay within my boundaries. Although I was in a relationship, I decided to be celibate. I learned to say no to sex altogether. It was an important lesson and I’m glad I learned it. Later, I realized that just saying no was not the answer to my problem.

Although I was celibate, I was still a sexual person. My next lesson was to learn to say yes to healthy sexual thoughts and behaviors. I found this more difficult than merely not having sex. I wasn’t even sure what healthy sexuality was. I did a lot of talking, thinking, and meditating. I also had to be willing to take some risks and make some mistakes. After a while, I redefined my boundaries in terms of what is good for me as well as what is bad for me.

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Today I will remember to say yes to healthy things.