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October 24

“To be restored to sanity is to rediscover the spiritual nature we have always had but which was hidden by the insanity of our disease.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 26

I discovered that my powerlessness runs much deeper than my acting out, that the behaviors are but a symptom of a greater spiritual disease. I thought that I was self-reliant, but self-reliance is a myth, the biggest lie of all. For decades I unwittingly made sex my highest source of power, relying on it for comfort, satisfaction, worth, meaning, security, control, you name it. Replacing my creator with something created as my Higher Power is the spiritual sickness that fed the acting-out and -in and made chaos and misery of my life.

My life has shown that I am designed to depend upon a higher power. My only choice is over which power I will turn to. Sexuality is an important part of human experience and a gift from my Higher Power, but sex was never meant to solve my problems. Working the program of SAA, especially the Twelve Steps, gives me tools and freedom to choose dependence on the Higher Power of my understanding.

After so many years serving a compulsive obsession, I can easily fall back into that pattern if I fail to maintain my spiritual condition. The symptoms will surely resurface and will again run and ruin my life. I suffer from a spiritual disease. Fortunately, it has a spiritual solution.

Today I choose dependence, not on an obsession, but upon my creator.